January 22, 2015

Well, I was wrong - life hasn't been any calmer this week. It's been one of those weeks where I laugh during the day and say cheerfully, "yeah, it's been kind of a crazy day!"; but then I come home and sit by myself in the middle of a dark room with my head low over my knees singing "Hunter's Moon."

Yeah, kind of like that. But darker. Alone. And singing.

I'm pretty sure I'm doing something wrong. I'm not delegating, or I'm working too slowly so I don't get things done, or I'm doing too many things at once ... I'm not quite sure what I'm doing wrong. I go through this phase in pretty much every job I work; but sometimes I settle in and find my groove, and sometimes I don't. In my last office job, I settled in nicely and found a comfortable routine. In my kitchen and childcare jobs, I never did. (There was a lot of lonely singing back then, too.)

Part of it is also that I'm a supervisor now, and that stresses me. I always thought I wanted to be the "idea" person in charge of everybody else, so I could run things my way; and indeed I am that way when I'm working on school projects or things in my area of expertise. But when I'm handed someone else's rulebook and told to make sure everybody under me is following the correct procedures and protocols, I get very stressed. Right now, the only person immediately over me is one of the top-level administrators, because I'm that person's assistant; so while I have peers I can consult with, and while I can take the big questions to my administrator, I often don't have anyone to go to with my little everyday questions, like "do you think this will get where it needs to go if I mail it in the morning?", or "how should we group the levels of the new filing system?", or even "where does this thing even GO??".

Officey stuff. Humph.

I'd better get a few paltry hours of sleep to help me keep the ship afloat one more day ... O weekend, I hail thy approach with the greatest of joy and exaltation!!

Have a wonderful evening, my sisters!

Love,
Vicki