Why is it so hard to remember that God loves me?
Why is it so easy to slip into a constant attitude of fear, dread, guilt, and shame? Of dreading coming to evening devotions because I feel like He's going to frown disapprovingly at the list of sins and mistakes I've made that day and send me to the corner in punishment? Why is it so easy to get up heavy and dark in the morning, feeling the weight of all the rules and standards I'm supposed to live up to somehow?
Why, instead, don't I get up every morning light-hearted and joyful, because I'm leaping up into the embrace of a Father who delights in me and wants to carry me lovingly through my day? Why don't I come eagerly to devotions every evening, eager to drop all the day's problems and hurts and mistakes at His feet, confessing my sins and letting Him wash them away? Why don't I spend time gazing up into His face in peace, knowing I am forgiven, resting in His presence and letting Him fill me with healing?
How could it be easier to carry around weight and fear, than it is to throw that all to the wind and run, free and lifted high on the wings of peace?
But it is.
Abba, please help me to stop being a worried, performance-driven Martha, and learn how to be a trusting, affectionate Mary!
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