I'm doing something later this week that should, Lord willing, yield some lovely photos if I do it right ... I'll keep you posted! :-)
~ Vicki
March 9, 2015
If you're in need of a little joy in your life, how about watching Weird Al Yankovic sing "Yoda" with a choir of children who have autism?
I'm doing something later this week that should, Lord willing, yield some lovely photos if I do it right ... I'll keep you posted! :-)
~ Vicki
I'm doing something later this week that should, Lord willing, yield some lovely photos if I do it right ... I'll keep you posted! :-)
~ Vicki
March 6, 2015
I'm home this morning, chillin' with my homie conjunctivitis.
I have no idea what "homie" even means, that just sounded hysterical.
I'm in a very good mood because the sun is finally shining here today ... I took the dog out this morning in a T-shirt due to his aging leaky bladder not being able to wait until I got a coat; and while the -10F wind chill definitely did bite, I could still feel the sun's warmth and it was glorious.
And there was a bird singing in my neighbor's yard!! Not a winter bird chirping while he poked around in the snow, but a spring bird - it had a cascading sort of call, so I think it could have been a lark or a finch. I can't wait for spring to come!!
I've been thinking a little about the purpose of this blog lately ... not reconsidering it, more like trying to sharpen and clarify it. I originally designed this blog to be less of an emotional dumping place than "Sunshine and Shadow," and more of a daily chronicle of things I did and saw. Because I tend to belabor my "Sunshine" posts so badly, though (sometimes taking several weeks just to write one post), I'm finding my "Captain's Log" posts drifting away from what I did that day and toward becoming a daily sound bite of my thoughts. Which is okay, I guess; but it's not what I originally wanted for this blog.
So I'm not going to overthink things and force my daily entries to become activity records if they really want to be emotional vents; but I am going to try to broaden them a bit and talk more about the world outside my own pitiful little head. Like, for example, posting this morning about the birds outside and the coffee in my big mug and the swollen painfulness of my poor pink eyes, rather than emoting about the powerful post on prayer that I just read and how bad it's making me feel about myself and my walk with Christ. That is a topic for "Sunshine." Because, as we all know, that blog is really more about the shadows than the sunshine anyway. :-) The joys of a gloomy personality.
I'm going to shut off all my technology now and see if I can spend an entire morning without listening to music or looking at Facebook. Wish me luck!!
Love,
Vicki
I have no idea what "homie" even means, that just sounded hysterical.
I'm in a very good mood because the sun is finally shining here today ... I took the dog out this morning in a T-shirt due to his aging leaky bladder not being able to wait until I got a coat; and while the -10F wind chill definitely did bite, I could still feel the sun's warmth and it was glorious.
And there was a bird singing in my neighbor's yard!! Not a winter bird chirping while he poked around in the snow, but a spring bird - it had a cascading sort of call, so I think it could have been a lark or a finch. I can't wait for spring to come!!
***
I've been thinking a little about the purpose of this blog lately ... not reconsidering it, more like trying to sharpen and clarify it. I originally designed this blog to be less of an emotional dumping place than "Sunshine and Shadow," and more of a daily chronicle of things I did and saw. Because I tend to belabor my "Sunshine" posts so badly, though (sometimes taking several weeks just to write one post), I'm finding my "Captain's Log" posts drifting away from what I did that day and toward becoming a daily sound bite of my thoughts. Which is okay, I guess; but it's not what I originally wanted for this blog.
So I'm not going to overthink things and force my daily entries to become activity records if they really want to be emotional vents; but I am going to try to broaden them a bit and talk more about the world outside my own pitiful little head. Like, for example, posting this morning about the birds outside and the coffee in my big mug and the swollen painfulness of my poor pink eyes, rather than emoting about the powerful post on prayer that I just read and how bad it's making me feel about myself and my walk with Christ. That is a topic for "Sunshine." Because, as we all know, that blog is really more about the shadows than the sunshine anyway. :-) The joys of a gloomy personality.
***
I'm going to shut off all my technology now and see if I can spend an entire morning without listening to music or looking at Facebook. Wish me luck!!
Love,
Vicki
March 3, 2015
Instead of feeling, there is a great void.
I want to feel something. Please, let me feel something besides the shaky, sick, dead feelings of stress. Please make me cry. Please make me laugh. You can even make me so angry that I want to knock you down. That's fine. Just please, please, help me feel something.
I'm drowning in fake laughter, fake prayers, fake music, fake conversations. Fake clothes, if there can be such a thing, because they hide my real hippie-poet self under a polished veneer of professionalism and confidence. Everything is sterile, lifeless, monotonous, impotent. Pixels. My world is made of pixels and paper.
Please, just touch my hand. Hit me. Hug me. Shove me. I don't really care, just someone, please, touch me and wake me up and make the world real again.
***
I'm discovering, again, that I really don't handle stress well. You remember how in Jane Eyre, Mr. Rochester remarks that he has to take care of Jane because her body doesn't handle strong emotions well, and she gets sick? Well, I certainly don't claim to be a fragile poet like Jane Eyre, but I do know that my body is easily overwhelmed by stress. Between deadlines, less-than-stellar performance reviews, malfunctioning technology, long hours, and travel, I'm getting terribly worn-out and sick. I have some kind of low-grade infection that has hung around my eyes and nose since December; this week I've had vague muscle aches and nausea and exhaustion that even high doses of caffeine don't help. It's stress. I'm not sick; it's just stress.
I'm so afraid that this is "adulthood." That being "grown up" means getting stuck in these trackless wastes of bland, emotionless, predictable days.
Get up. Put on uncomfortable business-casual clothes. Go sit in an uncomfortable chair and stare at a boring spreadsheet or Word document or Skype video for 8 or 9 hours. Come home. Eat last night's leftovers. Watch some stupid show on the History Channel or PBS until you're falling asleep in your chair. Put on your threadbare pajamas and drag yourself into bed - and sleep 5 or 6 hours until your alarm goes off and you do it all again. And again. And again.
And then you die.
Does no one feel emotions in this strange middle-class adult world? How do they putter through their days so calmly and stably? Are they truly content with these plodding, level, safe, peaceful days? Or are they all pressing their boiling geysers of emotion down into hermetically sealed compartments of their hearts, too?
What could we do with the world if we were just allowed to feel?
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