February 14, 2015

Wowww, that last post was poorly timed ... I genuinely didn't even realize I was spewing my crotchety thoughts right before VALENTINE'S DAY.  *cue sarcastic trumpet riff*

Today was a lovely Valentine's Day. I spent half an hour catching up on my year-long Bible reading plan this morning, then ventured out into the Arctic blizzard winds to buy some little gifts for my mom and sister and stop at the discount bakery outlet with my mom. After getting home and thawing a bit, we all ordered Chinese takeout and had a fun lunch/dinner/whatever-you-call-the-meal-when-you-didn't-eat-breakfast-until-11AM. After lunch I tinkered with some of the music videos I'm making, and which are quite promising, if I may say so; I read Jane Eyre while I ate my dinner of toast and oatmeal, then I watched all of my favorite Saturday night shows while finishing crocheting Dan a pair of slippers (and giggling over Sims jokes on Pinterest). Now I'm about to read my evening devotions and head for bed.

I'm not at all upset or jealous of anyone on this Valentine's Day. It's a day for celebrating love; and I'm surrounded by more love than I could ever comprehend, beginning with the love of God and going on down the list. My prayer is, in fact, that I would learn not to be afraid of loving and being loved - in friend and family relationships too, but especially in potential romantic ones. I want to let go of all the hurtful, self-protecting ideas about men that have formed a little crust around my heart, and see them as just fellow human beings and friends to get to know. Some of the ideas I mean are the ones the media propagates, like portraying men as dangerous and lustful; and on the flip side, some of them are from the anti-dating movement, the man-made regulations about exactly how to modestly speak to a man and keep such-and-such a distance between us and so forth. If I met a nice man who was afraid to talk to me because he either thought I was a gold-digger, or because he was afraid of saying or doing something immodest, I would be very sad and hurt. I'm just a thoughtful, quirky, sensitive, lazy human being who happens to be a woman. I want to see men as unique, interesting, individually special and complex human beings who just happen to be men, and therefore not be afraid or shielding myself when I talk with them.

So on this Valentine's Day, I celebrate and thank the Lord for love. For the love of my wonderful family, for the love of my beautiful friends at college, for the love of the new friends I'm making at work and the old friends from long ago who still care for me from afar, and for the love of my future husband, wherever and whatever he is doing on this day. And most beautifully and importantly, for the Lover of my soul, the God-Man who literally gave up everything to save my life. For this, the tears of blood and the lashed back and the torn hands and feet - THIS is love.